It's 1987 and Northampton Town are leading Division 4, but the bullies are still making Alan's life a misery, while peer pressure forces him to accept a challenge, leading him into the murky world of fake IDs.

The Close has a problem with knickers being snatched from washing lines and windows being peeped into, so Alan eagerly decides to play detective, even if it clashes with his 12th birthday.

A sex education lesson strikes fear into Alan's heart while an impending testosterone-fuelled school disco gets him all hot and bothered - and not in a good way.

It's the day of reckoning - Northampton Town are all abuzz and anticipation of a promotion to the Third Division is in the air, but Alan is completely miserable.