In this the first episode we meet the staff and owner of Bolton's The Neptune Club. They are The Saint, Bolton's own very Jerry St. Clair, Brian Potter, Les Alanos, and the newly-employed bouncers, Max and Paddy. The staff of the future Phoenix Club are all here.

We meet the hard-done-by staff of Bolton's old bingo hall, the Apollo. Let's tickle those balls, buck the management! But while you do, keep an eye out for Dogtagnan himself, Fire Inspector Keith Lard. 'In what way interferes with dogs?' 'The very worst way...you listening, Keith, you wierdo!'

This episode revolved around the fading popularity of local ice cream vans. The subject of the documentary is Mr Softytop, a grumpy ice-cream man who verbally assaults his customers and Darren, his assistant. His attempts to boost sales include inventing the "Millennium Cone", selling at the site of road accidents and renting pornography, films include: Shaving Private Ryan, Beverly Hills Cock, Look Who's Porkin and the Phantom Penis. (A real sex shop in Bolton is called Softy's Hard Stuff). To make matters worse he has to compete with a new competitor, Signór Wippy.

Set in the Manchester Evening News Arena, this episode follows the staff and customers preparing for a Super Sounds of the Seventies Night. Matthew Kelly is employed as a steward - a job he is thoroughly useless at, and receives much stick from Chris and Sean from Live Sec. Kelly is annoyed when, instead of stewarding the concert, he is left in charge of the car park.

The episode follows lovable local eccentric Leonard in the run-up to him receiving an award for being Britain's oldest paper boy. Leonard introduces the other local eccentrics including The Duke, who walks around Bolton drawing his fingers from his pockets as if they were guns and shouting "John Wayne!" and Carl who waves at cars. Catherine Tate stars as Valerie the community leader. The episode is more melancholy than the others, as Leonard is one of the few truly likable characters, but he leads a tragic life. His aunt claims he was coddled by his mother, and, as much as he is everybody's friend, he has no real friends. This does not quash Leonard's spirit and he remains upbeat throughout.